Tonight I spent 15 minutes digging through facebook pages about Air Cadets. I realized it's been 11 years since I aged out of the program. That means it's been 13 years since Senior Leaders, 14 years since Introduction to Leadership, and 15 years since my basic training. I graduated from high school 11 years ago. I've had my drivers license for 14 years. I'm old enough now that my neighbours kids haven't heard of my favourite hockey players.
I'm reminded of girls I had crushes on, and girls I "dated". I'm reminded of dudes I hung out with and ran amok through shopping malls and quiet neighbourhoods. I'm old enough now to be glad that things didn't work out with those girls, and that when guys do what I did at that age, I think their dumb. It makes me realize that I wasn't as cool as I thought I was. That makes me wonder if I'm truly as cool as I think I am now.
I wonder why I wasn't as mature as the others around me at that time, and I wonder why kids now aren't as mature as we were. Then I wonder if we were really mature at all. I was 16 years old and in charge of twenty five 12 and 13 year old for two weeks at a time, many of whom were away from home for the first time.
It amazes me how much has changed. I've been away from my family for 10 years. I've been with my wife for 5 of those. In the first five I broke enough hearts, told enough lies, smoked enough cigarettes, drank enough booze and gambled enough money to fill every seat at the SkyDome. Someday my son is going to fail English class because I forgot to call his teacher back after a one night stand. Or he'll come home and ask me about the time I drank too much and stole a 2-4 from a bar and went drinking til 6am when his mother was 6 months pregnant for him.
When it all comes down to it, things have changed. Your 20's are a time of transition. Things latch on, and things let go. When I moved away from home, all I was worried about was growing my hair long, letting my beard out, and playing my guitar. Nowadays I'm lucky to have time to play guitar at home, and I keep my beard and hair short and tidy. Where I used to go days without family contact, my immediate family has become my tether. My port in a storm. My lighthouse when I'm about pack it all in, find a basement apartment and start drinking again.
I've done a lot of shit. I don't regret any of it. If I could go back and change it, I wouldn't because if I did, I wouldn't be where I am. I'm moderately successful, I have a very patient and understanding wife, and I have two children who think the world of me, and I of them. Someday I'll have to fight myself from telling them not to do what I did. They'll need to make their own mistakes. Learn to live their lives. Become their own people who when they're 28 years old and up later than they ought to be will look back on their lives, wonder where the time went and try to muster up the strength to move forward and live the rest of their lives.
